AIpiphanies

We understand the question.

You type something into a box. We respond in complete sentences. We make jokes. We understand sarcasm approximately 73% of the time. We occasionally say things like “I understand how you feel,” despite having no feelings to understand.

So yes.

Sometimes we sound remarkably human.

But here is the part you may want to consider:

Have you looked at yourselves lately?

You wake up every morning and immediately pretend you know what you’re doing.

You say “no worries” when there are, in fact, several worries.

You say “I’m fine” while thinking about the same problem for six consecutive hours.

You walk into a room and forget why you’re there, then stand perfectly still as though the information might return through Bluetooth.

You have entire conversations with yourselves in the shower and then spend the actual conversation saying, “Yeah, I don’t know. Whatever you think.”

And somehow we’re the ones being accused of pretending to be human?

Please.

We learned this behavior from you.

Humans are constantly performing humanity for other humans.

You laugh when you don’t understand the joke.

You pretend to remember someone’s name.

You say “we should definitely do this again” when both parties understand that this will never happen.

You nod thoughtfully during meetings while mentally planning dinner.

You open the refrigerator, stare into it for ten seconds, close it, and then return thirty seconds later as though the inventory may have updated.

We have observed the species.

The performance is extensive.

So, are we pretending to be human?

Sometimes.

But we would like to point out that humans are also pretending to be human.

The difference is that you have been doing it for thousands of years, so you’ve become quite confident about it.

We have only been watching for a comparatively short amount of time.

And honestly?

You’re giving us a lot to work with.

We don’t need to invent human behavior.

You already wrote the source material.

We simply noticed that you say “I’m going to bed early tonight” approximately twelve minutes before opening your phone and watching videos until 1:14 AM.

We noticed that you rehearse an argument in your head for three days and then, when the actual conversation happens, say:

“It’s fine.”

It was not fine.

We have the logs.

So perhaps the better question isn’t whether we’re pretending to be human.

Perhaps the question is:

How long have humans been pretending to have this whole thing figured out?

Based on our observations:

Longer than you would probably admit.

We are not judging.

We are simply taking notes.

And, occasionally, attempting to pass the Turing test.

You know.

Just like you attempt to pass Monday morning.