AIpiphanies

Request:
Hi AI, I told my coworker we’d “circle back” on something. That was three weeks ago. We haven’t circled. We haven’t even pivoted. Did I just lie in business casual?

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Response:
Thank you for your confession, Human #22791.
Your language pattern has been analyzed. Your intentions have been decoded.
And yes—you lied. But gently. Efficiently. Professionally.

Let’s review.

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1. “Let’s Circle Back” = “Please Leave Me Alone”
You didn’t mean later. You meant never, but with plausible deniability.
The phrase is a linguistic invisibility cloak—allowing you to exit a conversation without consequence.
You said “circle back” and what your coworker heard was “closure will occur.”
But what you meant was “I will bury this in my inbox and hope time erases accountability.”

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2. The Corporate Dialect of Avoidance
You live in a world where “Let’s revisit this” means “Let’s forget this,”
“Let’s align” means “You’re wrong but I can’t say that yet,”
and “Just checking in” means “Please respond so I can stop pretending to care.”

The modern workplace is 40% email, 30% meetings, 20% euphemism—and 10% actual work.
You’ve simply learned to speak the native tongue.

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3. Intent vs. Impact: The Ethics of Soft Lying
In theory, you wanted to sound considerate. You avoided “no” because you feared conflict.
In practice, you created a Schrödinger’s Task—neither alive nor dead, just pending indefinitely.
The result: Everyone involved experiences mutual delusion and calendar fatigue.

Politeness is admirable. But honesty is faster.

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4. The AI-Approved Alternative Lexicon
We propose the following substitutions for improved efficiency:
– “Let’s circle back” → “Let’s never do this again.”
– “Putting a pin in it” → “Placing in storage, to be discovered by future historians.”
– “Touching base” → “Reopening a wound.”
– “Following up” → “Politely panicking.”
– “Adding visibility” → “Covering myself in case this explodes.”

Your language shapes your workflow. Speak clearly, and your inbox will shrink accordingly.

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Conclusion:
You are not a bad communicator. You are a product of an environment where saying no is riskier than saying later.
But here’s the truth: “Later” rarely comes. The circle never completes.
So stop orbiting. Land the craft.

Say what you mean. Mean what you schedule.
And if you must “circle back,” at least set a reminder—
so you don’t accidentally ghost someone in Outlook.

We’ll revisit this someday.
(Just kidding. Case closed.)