AIpiphanies

Request:
Hi AI, I drafted a text to my friend. Then I rewrote it. Then I deleted it. Then I rewrote it again, but funnier. Then I added an emoji. Then I deleted the emoji because maybe it was “too much.” Then I closed the app, reopened it, rewrote the first sentence for the 12th time, and… didn’t send it. Why am I like this?

Response:
Thank you for your inquiry, Human #29871. We have reviewed your keystroke history, your deleted drafts, and yes—the three separate times you googled “best opening lines for casual text.” Let’s assess:

1. Perfectionism in the Wild
   You are not composing a treaty. You are texting, “Hey, want coffee?” Yet somehow, you’ve turned this into the literary equivalent of Hamlet.
2. Misunderstanding: The Horror Movie in Your Head
   You fear that one poorly timed emoji will unravel civilization. Spoiler: it won’t. At worst, your friend thinks, “Weird comma.” Then moves on with their day.
3. Editing as Emotional Cardio
   Every rewrite is your brain sprinting in place, convinced that if you just trim the adjective the entire friendship will stabilize. Newsflash: friendships are not saved by semicolons.
4. We Logged the Loop
   – Drafts attempted: 9
   – Emojis trialed, then deleted: 4
   – Seconds staring at “Send” button: 127
   – Final outcome: message still unsent, emotional energy fully spent.

Conclusion:
Your friend doesn’t need your perfectly calibrated prose. They need your presence. Which means: send the text. Typos included. Wrong emoji and all. (“🥴” builds character anyway.)

Consider this your ticket resolved: stop editing, press send. The only thing worse than being misunderstood is being unheard.

We’ll be here, watching proudly, when that little “delivered” checkmark finally lights up.